How much should I talk about myself on a first date?

Roughly half the time. A good sign is that you have each asked a similar number of questions and each told a few stories. If you've spoken for more than two minutes without a question coming back to them, hand it over.

Is it okay to ask about their job?

Yes, early on. Just take it one step further than the title: what they like about it, what a good day looks like, or how they ended up there.

What do I do if the date is really quiet?

Ask a question that needs a story instead of a fact, such as the best part of their last trip. If two or three of those still get short answers, the other person may be shy or not interested. Keep it kind and keep it shorter.

Should I prepare questions before a date?

Have a few in mind, but don't bring a list. Use them only when the conversation stalls. Follow-ups on what they actually say will always sound more natural than prepared questions.

What should I talk about on a second date?

Pick up threads from the first date and go a bit deeper: plans, values, family. See what to talk about on a second date.

What to Talk About on a First Date: Questions and Tips

Go one layer past the CV

Job, hometown and siblings are fine for the first five minutes. Most people have answered them so often that the answers come out pre-packaged. The fix is not to avoid these questions, but to take each one a single step further.

The CV question	One layer deeper
"What do you do?"	"What's the part of your job you'd keep if you could drop the rest?"
"Where are you from?"	"What do you miss about it, and what are you glad you left?"
"Do you have siblings?"	"Who are you most like in your family?"
"What do you do for fun?"	"What did you do last weekend that you actually enjoyed?"
"How long have you lived here?"	"What's your favourite place in the city that tourists don't know about?"

The deeper version asks for a story or an opinion, not a fact. Stories are what you remember after the date, and what gives you something to ask next.

Questions that work on a first date

These are examples to pick from, not a list to work through. Three or four good ones are enough for a whole evening.

Easy openers (first ten minutes)

"How was your day, really? Busy or slow?"
"Have you been here before? What made you pick it?" (if they chose the place)
"What's keeping you busy these days, outside work?"

Questions that invite a story

"What's the best thing that happened to you this month?"
"What's something you got into recently that you didn't expect to like?"
"What's the last trip you took, and what was the best day of it?"

Questions about what's ahead

"What are you looking forward to this year?"
"Is there something you've been meaning to learn or try?"

Light opinion questions

"What's a hill you'll die on that doesn't matter at all?" (pineapple on pizza, the right way to load a dishwasher)
"What's a film or show you'd defend to anyone?"

How to avoid interview mode

Interview mode happens when one person asks and the other answers, five times in a row. It feels like a screening, even when both people are nice. The cure is a simple loop: ask, follow up, share.

Ask one open question.
Follow up on a detail in their answer, not with a new topic.
Share something of your own that connects, in two or three sentences.
Let them ask you something, or start the loop again.

Example exchange on a first date:

You: "What's something you got into recently?" Them: "Climbing, actually. A friend dragged me to a bouldering gym in the spring." You (follow up): "Dragged? Were you scared of it at first?" Them: "Terrified. I couldn't get off the ground for two weeks." You (share): "That's how I was with swimming lessons last year. I was the only adult in the beginner lane and I nearly quit. Now I go twice a week."

Notice that the share is short and connected. It gives them something to ask you about ("Why did you start swimming as an adult?") without taking over the conversation.

If you catch yourself asking a third question in a row, stop and share. If they ask you nothing back for most of the date, that tells you something too.

Topics to save for later

None of these are banned forever. They are just heavy for a first meeting, where you are still working out whether you like each other.

Topic	Why it can wait	A lighter version for now
Exes and past breakups	Pulls the evening backwards and invites comparison	"Have you been on many dates from the app?" if you both want to joke about it
Whether they want kids or marriage	Feels like a test before you know them	"What does a good weekend look like for you?"
Money and salaries	Easy to read as judging them	Talk about what they spend free time on
Strong political views	Can end the date in one exchange	Talk about what they care about locally, if it comes up
Health, trauma, family conflict	Too much, too soon, for both people	Let them bring it up; respond kindly and briefly

If they bring up something heavy, don't change the subject abruptly. Listen, say something like "That sounds hard, thanks for telling me," and let them decide whether to keep going.

Signs they're enjoying the conversation

You can't read minds, but some signs are fairly reliable:

They ask you questions back, especially follow-ups on what you said.
Their answers get longer as the date goes on.
They refer back to something from earlier ("Wait, so did your sister ever get the dog?").
They lose track of time, or suggest another drink or a walk.

Signs it's not landing: short answers that don't open anything, checking the phone, no questions back for a long stretch. That is not always about you. Some people are nervous for the first half hour. Try one story-type question before you decide.

If you get nervous on dates

Nerves usually show up as either talking too much or going blank. Two things help:

Have three short stories ready. Something funny that happened recently, something you're excited about, and a place you love. Each should take under a minute to tell. You won't recite them, but knowing they exist makes silence less scary.
Say things out loud before the date. Running a few questions and stories out loud, not just in your head, makes them come out more easily on the night. The conversation drill lets you answer prompts out loud and check your pace. Speaking Coach also has a First date scene, where an AI partner plays your date and follows up on what you actually say.

If there is a pause, it is fine. Take a sip, look around, and pick up a thread from earlier. More on that in how to keep a conversation going.