How long should a eulogy for a parent be?

Usually 4 to 6 minutes, or about 500 to 750 words read slowly. If siblings are also speaking, each person might take 2 to 3 minutes.

Should I speak as "I" or "we" if I have siblings?

Use "we" for shared family memories and "I" for your own. If you're speaking for all the children, say so at the start.

Can I read a eulogy for my parent from paper?

Yes, and almost everyone does. Reading is expected at a funeral; nobody is judging your eye contact.

What if I can't get through it?

Pause, breathe, and continue when you can. If you can't, your backup reader steps in. That's what they're there for.

Is it okay to include humour about my mom or dad?

Yes, if it's affectionate and true to them. Funny family stories often bring relief and are some of the most remembered parts.

How to Write a Eulogy for Your Mom or Dad (With Examples)

What only a child can say

Other people at the funeral knew your parent as a colleague, a friend, a neighbour. You knew them at the kitchen table, in the car, at 2 a.m. when you were ill. That's what the room needs from you: the private person behind the public one. You don't need to cover their whole life. The general eulogy guide has the basic structure; this page is about the things that are different when it's your mother or father.

Before you write: talk to your siblings

If you have brothers or sisters, decide together before anyone writes.

Option	Works well when
One child speaks for all	One sibling is comfortable speaking and the others would rather not
Each child speaks briefly (2–3 minutes each)	Everyone wants to speak; agree who covers which era or theme
A joint eulogy, taking turns	You want to share the weight; one opens, others each tell one story
One speaks, others contribute stories	The speaker gathers a memory from each sibling and names who it came from

Agree on the stories each person will tell so two of you don't tell the same one. Also agree on anything you'll all leave out. Families are complicated, and the eulogy isn't the place to settle it.

Choosing family memories

Write down everything you remember for one evening without judging it. Then look for:

Their sayings. The phrase your dad used every time someone was late. What your mum said when you left the house.
Their rituals. Saturday pancakes, the holiday they insisted on every year, how they wrapped presents.
A moment they showed up for you. The hospital waiting room, the phone call after a breakup, the first day at university.
Their quirks. The thing everyone teased them about, said with love.
What they taught you, often without meaning to.

Choose two or three. Ones that other mourners will recognise are especially powerful, because the room nods along. One very private memory can also be right, if you explain it simply.

A structure for a parent's eulogy

Part	What to include	Time
Opening	Who you are, and one line that captures them	20–30 seconds
Their life, briefly	Where they came from and the big chapters, in a few sentences	30–45 seconds
Who they were at home	Two or three family memories	2–3 minutes
What they gave you	What you carry from them	30–60 seconds
Goodbye	Words spoken directly to them	15–30 seconds

That's about 4 to 6 minutes. Ask the funeral director or officiant how long you have, especially if other people are speaking.

Example passages

These are made-up examples to show the tone. Use your own memories; that's what will make it true.

For a mother: opening and one memory

"I'm Claire, Ruth's eldest daughter. If you knew Mum, you knew she could not walk past a person who looked lost without asking if they needed help. Train stations, supermarkets, once an entire wrong wedding.

When I was fifteen, I came home from school having been left out of a party everyone else was invited to. I didn't tell her. I went to my room. Half an hour later she knocked, came in with two mugs of tea, and sat on the end of my bed. She didn't ask anything. She just said, 'I'm here till you want to talk.' We talked for two hours. I don't remember what about. I remember the tea, and that she stayed."

For a father: a quirk and what he taught

"Dad believed every problem could be solved with three things: a screwdriver, a cup of coffee and a bit of patience. He was right about the patience. He taught me to ride a bike on the same street for three weeks, every evening after work, and never once raised his voice, even when I rode into Mrs Kelly's hedge. Twice.

What I learned from Dad is that you don't need to say much to show you love someone. You just need to keep turning up, every evening, until they can ride on their own."

A goodbye

"Mum, thank you for the tea and for staying. We'll take it from here."

"Dad, I'm still on the same street, still pedalling. Thank you for not letting go too soon."

If your relationship was complicated

Not every parent was easy. You don't have to pretend. Some approaches that are honest without being hurtful:

Speak about specific good moments, even if they were rare.
Talk about what they gave others: their friends, their work, their community.
Acknowledge gently that they were "not always easy, and always ours" if that's true and the family is comfortable.
If you can't speak sincerely, it's okay to ask a sibling, relative or the officiant to give the eulogy instead. Choosing not to speak is a legitimate choice.

Staying composed

Speaking about a parent is one of the hardest things people do in public. It's normal to fear breaking down. These steps help:

Print it large. 16 to 18 point type, double spaced, with numbered pages.
Rehearse the hardest paragraph the most. Read it aloud ten or more times over a few days. The goal isn't to stop feeling it; it's to stop being ambushed by it.
Mark where to breathe. Draw a line after each sentence that matters and pause there.
Have a backup reader. Give a copy to a sibling, partner or the officiant. Agree on a signal: if you look at them, they come and read on.
Look at a friendly face, not at the coffin or your family in the front row, if that helps you keep going.
Slow down. Grief speeds people up. A pace of around 110 to 130 words per minute is easier to follow and gives you time to breathe. Our guide on stopping your voice shaking has breathing steps.
If you cry, stop and wait. Nobody will mind. They'll wait with you.

If you'd like to practise reading it to a listener who isn't family, you can read it to Speaking Coach in the app; afterwards it shows your pace and where you paused, which can help you find the places you rush.