How long should a eulogy be?

Usually 3 to 7 minutes, or about 400 to 900 words at a slow pace. If there are several speakers, aim for the low end. The speech length calculator converts your word count to minutes.

Can I read a eulogy from paper?

Yes. Reading is completely normal at a funeral. Look up at the end of a paragraph, and at the person's photo or the family for the goodbye.

Should a eulogy include a poem or religious reading?

It can, if it meant something to the person or the family. Keep it short and introduce it with one line about why you chose it.

What if my relationship with the person was complicated?

Speak about what is true and good, and leave out the rest. You don't have to pretend; choose the stories you can tell honestly.

Is it okay to make people laugh?

Yes, if the humour is affectionate and true to them. Laughter at a funeral is often a relief for the family.

How to Write a Eulogy: Step-by-Step Guide With Examples

First, check three things

Before you write a word, ask the family or the person leading the service:

How long do I have? Services often have several speakers and a fixed slot. If you're told five minutes, write for four.
Who else is speaking? If a sibling is covering childhood, you can focus on the working years, or a friendship.
Is there anything to avoid? Family tensions, the cause of death, a faith question. It's their service; follow their lead.

Gather the material

Spend an evening collecting, not writing. Call two or three people who knew the person in different parts of their life and ask each the same questions:

What's one thing they always said?
What did they do that nobody else would have done?
When did they make you laugh?
What did they teach you, without meaning to?

Write down the exact words people use. "She never let anyone leave hungry" is more useful than "she was generous", because it gives you a picture to build on.

The structure

Part	What to include	Time
Opening	Your name and your relationship to them	15–30 seconds
A short life outline	Where they came from, the big chapters, in a few sentences	30–60 seconds
Stories	Two or three specific moments that show their character	2–4 minutes
What they gave us	The thread running through the stories	30–60 seconds
Goodbye	A direct word to them, or a line for the family	15–30 seconds

Don't turn the life outline into an obituary read aloud. Dates and job titles are in the printed programme; your job is to make the room see the person again.

Write it in your own voice

Write the way you talk to a friend. Short sentences are easier to say when your throat is tight.

Example lines, all made up, to show the difference between a summary and a picture:

Summary	Picture
"He loved his garden."	"Every June he'd call me to come and look at his tomatoes, as if they'd done something remarkable on their own."
"She was a wonderful teacher."	"Thirty years later, former pupils still stopped her in the supermarket to tell her she'd been right about their spelling."
"He was always there for people."	"If your car broke down, you called the AA second. You called Frank first."
"She had a great sense of humour."	"At her own retirement party, she gave a speech that was entirely about the cake."

Humour in a eulogy

Light humour is often welcome, because it's true to the person and lets the room breathe. Keep it about the person's own habits and quirks, and keep it warm. Avoid anything that makes a family member the target. A good rule: one funny story for every two or three tender ones.

A short example

This is a made-up example of the opening and one story, to show the tone.

"I'm Helen, and Margaret was my aunt, my godmother, and for most of my twenties, my landlady. She charged me rent in Sunday lunches.

Margaret was born in Glasgow, trained as a nurse, raised three children and, in her sixties, learned to swim. That last one tells you most of what you need to know. She'd been afraid of water all her life. One January she announced she was 'done with that' and signed up for lessons with a group of eight-year-olds. She was the only one in a floral swimming cap. By summer she was swimming lengths, and she never mentioned the fear again.

That was her way with everything. Not brave in a loud way. She'd just decide, quietly, that something wasn't going to stop her."

How to get through it on the day

This is the part people worry about most. Some things that help:

Print it big. 16 to 18 point type, double spaced, single-sided pages. Number the pages.
Mark the hard lines. Put a slash where you'll breathe, and a note like "pause" before the line you know will catch you.
Rehearse the hard part the most. Read the toughest paragraph out loud until it stops surprising you. It may still be hard, but it won't ambush you.
Arrange a backup. Give a copy to a friend or the celebrant who can step in and read on if you can't. Knowing they're there often means you don't need them.
Have water nearby, and a tissue in your pocket, not your hand.
Slow down. Grief and nerves both speed you up. Aim for a pace slower than conversation, around 110 to 130 words per minute. Our guide to using pauses shows where they help most.
If you cry, stop. Look at your page, breathe out, and start the next sentence. Nobody in that room expects you to be composed. They are grateful you're speaking.

Reading the eulogy out loud two or three times beforehand matters more than polishing the wording. If you have no one to listen, you can read it to Speaking Coach in the app, which shows your pace and where you paused for a long time, so you can see whether you're rushing.